Careers, Communication, Mentoring, Networking, relationships, Work Strategies, Working Professionals

Every Touch Point Has Value!

It’s the little things that matter. Critical moments are touch points where the slightest effort can add value. I’ve been giving this much thought and have had several conversations. A friend shared a sermon by Rabbi Angela Buchdahl that drove the point home. She talks about the racism she experienced as the first Asian American female rabbi in the US. Woven in with her well-thought-out points are some ideas I’ve gathered from other professionals on how to treat others, and it’s not just because it’s nice.

Here are a few thoughts. 

  • Choose kindness in every moment because each touch point has value. 
  • We need to recognize that the only thing that matters is time – we have one life to live and how we live it, personally and professionally, are the most critical choices we make. 
  • Visually, as a reminder, I had Maitri in the roots of a lotus tattooed on the back of my neck; it reminds me to practice kindness to myself and others.

I’m suggesting that we need to pause, be more intentional, and notice the small things. Acts of random kindness are not ordinary moments; it’s better to catch them being good than to focus on the negative. 

(Hang onto these thoughts for later, and let’s start with some other ideas and the tools to help you execute them!)

How do we want to be treated?

I had lunch with a leader I coached out of a toxic environment and is now in a much healthier one. It is lovely to see my client’s face relax and tension receding from around their shoulders; now, their actual abilities are seen and recognized. As a senior-level capture leader, this talented professional meets many people, potential partners, and external clients, and they are responsible for hiring staff internally. She experiences critical moments where the slightest effort can add value each day. We shared our beliefs about the rules for how to treat people in all situations. We agreed that taking a moment to do the little things often impacts the people we encounter. 

For example, consciously being compassionate and respecting a candidate through the interview process or sending a client in a direction that meets their needs better are little things that can have a significant ROI. I coach candidates to send a genuine Thank You note because the gesture adds value to the interview and insights into the person. I also like the idea of answering a rejection with a Thank You! It lets a company know that you are mature and plan to leave the door open for a conversation down the road.

Touch Point: Simple common courtesy can go a long way toward building long-lasting and sincere relationships.

These positive behaviors are “a deposit into a social capital account.” When we do kind things for others, it fills up our capital account, so when it’s low, we can reach out to others for support. For this reason, unlike my midwestern husband, I have no problem asking for help. I offer my service without prompting and follow the golden rule: nurture your networks to build strong, trusting relationships. You have to start somewhere.

Reflect: How can we regain value in our communities, lives, and careers?

Practice Random Kindness

There was a bumper sticker I used to have on an old car of mine, “Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.” Letting a vehicle go first in traffic, giving a neighbor a ride to the grocery, and upcycling old sweaters to share with strangers as wearable art, are small things in my life that can put a smile on someone’s face. Small acts make a big difference; sometimes, it is hard to know who benefits more, the giver or the recipient. Taking time at work to explain a task or collaborate is an example of random kindness.  

Fun Fact! The phrase “practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty” was written by Anne Herbert on a placemat in Sausalito, California, in 1982. It played on the phrase: “random acts of violence and senseless acts of  cruelty.”

“No Ordinary Moments”

I read the “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman years ago, and he suggested we consider the idea that there are no ordinary moments in our lives. I often gathered these moments in the years I spent raising my children: a moment in the kitchen with them doing homework at the counter, music playing, and me cooking dinner. While not super unique, these moments become the memories we carry forward in our lives. They are joyful touch points that I can share with others. 

In the workplace, that looks like a well-run morning meeting ending early and recognition that the team accomplished a lot in less time. Or it could be when a business development/capture opportunity comes together into a well-written proposal, and you recognize the team effort matters more than the win, although both would be nice!

Catch Them Being Good

Capturing and recording critical moments is essential, while being present and responsive is also crucial. In the workplace, a critical word at the wrong moment can cause an explosion or destroy a rising leader’s desire to participate. Every working parent can share a story of when they hurt their kid with harsh words after they walked into the house exhausted. A smiling kid proudly presents a messy sandwich, and instead of thanking that kid with a big bite and compliments, the parent shouts, “OMG look at this mess!”

The book Catch them being good is co-authored by USA Women’s Soccer Coach Tony Dicicco, Colleen Hacker, and Charles Salzberg. He wrote that to be a better coach is to catch your team “being good.” This mantra is as relevant in the workplace or home kitchen as it is on the field! Praising someone’s work in a morning stand-up encourages others to seek positive feedback, as does guiding a staff member toward healthy outcomes. 

Positive reinforcement wins over reprimanding every time!

Critical Incident Journal – a tool for reflection and learning

There’s a great tool that I learned in college called a Critical Incident Journal. We used this technique in our internships to capture moments that are not ordinary. We learned more from each of them by reflecting on what made a moment unique. The practice of journaling helps us become better at recognizing critical incidents and their impact and reveals hints to how we can make positive changes in our daily lives and careers.

I have incorporated this collegiate tool into my career and personal life too! They are handy for capturing the moments in our lives when our perception changes. The insights shared over the years have been surprising and insightful. 

Start journaling! Learn more about critical incident journals!

Here’s a recent experience that made me pause and reflect on its critical value:

I mispronounced the name of a young woman I was interviewing, and she gently corrected my pronunciation. She shared that when at school, she pronounced it the “American way,” thinking it was easier for people to understand. But for our interview, she wanted to embrace her bi-cultural identity, so she helped me with the correct pronunciation.

I wasn’t embarrassed and appreciated her transparency and how she communicated with me. It opened the door for other topics and an informed conversation. That touch point had critical value; she felt comfortable sharing experiences and asking questions on other sensitive career topics.

Her gentle feedback also gave me pause to think about ways to be more sensitive to the small things that make a big difference in other situations.

Takeaways

If we all pause before speaking or acting, it might change our response. The basics of consideration that children learn in school are the same rules of etiquette for adults. For example: wait your turn, remember to share, say please and thank you politely, and don’t hit people when you don’t get your way. We learn to communicate and control our responses. Through play and interaction with others, we learn impulse management.

Two colleagues joined me at a leadership breakfast last week and said they feel compelled to make work fun. They enjoy the time more, their teams enjoy being together more, and they stay engaged for more extended periods. A leader has the responsibility to set the tone. Emphasizing joy in work helps engage team members and makes teamwork more effective, delivering better results. 

The results of the world’s largest study on kindness are in. Here’s what we learned

** University of Sussex’s study on the impact of kindness

Call to action 

Take time to notice touchpoints, critical value, and not-so-ordinary moments in your life. It’s easy to look for flaws when you can catch them being good. Small affirmations have a significant impact on those around you! And a little effort can result in strong bonds and more joy for everyone. I think that’s valuable, don’t you?   

And if you fear doing something nice will be taken the wrong way, be sensitive and do it anyway. You can tell if you have made the right choice by a person’s expression.

Careers, Networking, Uncategorized, Work Strategies, Working Parents, Working Professionals

Basic Rules of Civil Communication

Starting in 1971, we spent 18 months in Thailand. My parents decided they wanted an adventure, so they took three kids and traveled half way around the world for my father to become the Deputy Director of Peace Corps in Thailand. I was 8 years old and my little brother and sister were 7 and 4. We stayed in the Indra Hotel for over five weeks waiting for our household goods to arrive. Some memories fade, others stick around.

There was a baby elephant tied up in front of one of the luxury hotels to attract tourists. Took-tooks careened around corners on three wheels weaving in and out of traffic. A driver was assigned to us, because no foreigner wanted to brave the road rules in Bangkok. The Saturday-Sunday market was one of my most memorable spots.

Each weekend the poles and weatherworn pieces of material were erected over individual vendors to cover their goods and provide a bit of protection from the intense sun. As we wandered through the marketplace, people would stop to stroke my little sister’s pale skin and note her blue-green eyes. The cacophony of tonal Thai bombarded us on top of the honking cars and the noises from loose livestock. Once in the market, each direction you turned filled your eyes, nose and ears…pig snouts displayed, slaughtered chickens tied together at the throats-three to a bundle, shiny tin animals ornately pressed, and hollow, heavy jeweled decorative plates, and the puppies. Live ones.

Our driver told us that we shouldn’t bargain unless we were truly interested in buying. Most prices were instantly raised at the sight of our white “Pharang” skin. We couldn’t hide our foreignness, but we were advised to bargain the price down to half. The driver told us it was an insult if we didn’t bargain, even if we thought the original price was dirt cheap.

Vietnamese ate dog, not Thais, at least that’s what I remember being told. We each left with a hollow tin animal and I was so excited about my bejeweled dragon. But the prize purchase of the day was actually alive. That afternoon we smuggled a small cocker spaniel looking puppy, in an antique brass bucket, back to the Indra hotel suite.

The puppy stayed in the bathroom, and the entire cleaning staff colluded with us. Duchess Lady, as my sister & brother named her, proceeded to explode everywhere. Worms was declared the cause, and after several weeks of treatments, the explosions and smell disappeared.

The dog return home to the US with us after our school year finished. Our time in Thailand was cut short. But the lesson that our driver taught us, stayed longer,

“Don’t negotiate unless you are buying, it’s about respect.”

Recently, I worked with a client to identify a director for their research operations. We identified several potential candidates and they picked two to interview. They liked them both so much that we were asked to do references to help them decide. In the end they went with the candidate who was less costly only to find hidden obstacles. For the first time in many years, this candidate refused to be transparent with us and share their present compensation information. I’m direct with my clients, the companies, and with the professionals that I work with, but this person was not. Their references were excellent so I tried to put my concerns aside.

My mistake. 

The candidate decided they felt more comfortable negotiating directly and proceeded to push not once, but twice, and then turned the position down. Before I work with anyone, I normally share two things,

“My fees are paid by my clients-the companies, and my fees are based on the salary you receive, so there is a relationship there”.

This search was a favor to a client and different from most of my searches. To the best of our ability, we estimated this person was earning around 90-100K, the offer came in around 125K. I typically recommend that a 10-15% increase on the base is an excellent offer. If you stay put with your firm a COLA (2-3%) raise or one based on merit (5-7%) are lower. The company liked the candidate. After the candidate said they wanted more, they decided to act in good faith and raised the base to 130K. In the end, the candidate wasted everyone’s time by negotiating not once but twice and didn’t accept anything. This person may have even used the offer to leverage a counteroffer at their current firm. Counteroffers are a whole other topic.

This story is not unusual. 

Regardless, it made me wonder where common courtesy and professionalism begins and ends in present times. You hear people talk about applying to jobs online and not hearing anything back, ever. Other professionals complete an interview and then don’t hear a word. No note about if they got the job, or someone else was hired, or even an acknowledgement of their thank you note. I’ve prepared a candidate for an interview only to get feedback that they didn’t even know the basics about the role and came in khakis and sweater rather than a suit and tie. You leave a message or send an email, but don’t receive a response. These are all actual behaviors I have witnessed or stories that have been shared with me.

Are these acceptable behaviors?

Is this behavior indicative of the modern technological age? Is there too much information coming at each of us all the time and does this make us become numb? Is there a way for us as professionals and companies to retain our sense of compassion and treat people who come in contact with us through work with respect? Phone calls, emails, FaceBook, texts, LinkedIn, Snapchats, Tweets, IMing, and Instagram…so many ways to communicate and not enough time. Is there a way to limit communication, still get the information to each valued stakeholder, and accomplish daily tasks? Plus, can our messages be expressed or delivered in respectful ways? Appropriate behavior between genders requires another entire discussion but it is a part of the conversation about communication.

I’d say modernity is wonderful, each generation builds upon the previous one. Cures are found, technological advances are made. We have found that new ways don’t always make the old ways obsolete. Many times there’s room for old and new-like streaming music through a bluetooth speaker, and hearing the scratch of a needle as it touches down on vinyl. It doesn’t have to be either or. An email/text can be short, direct and to the point, but sometimes a phone call or a face to face meeting can really clarify the message.

Setting respectful boundaries for communication and professional interactions is imperative.

I pick the most widely used mode of communication to reach the audience I need to get my job done. I can’t be on all of social media all the time, I don’t have the bandwidth. I communicate on the major ones so that I can reach multiple generations. Then I retain the common courtesy from the days of chivalry, or the advice from Ms Manners, and despite technology, I respond to each phone call, each email, and most texts, with honest clear answers. It’s time to remember what basic respectful behavior looks like and act accordingly.