Careers, Communication, Mentoring, Networking, relationships, Work Strategies, Working Professionals

Every Touch Point Has Value!

It’s the little things that matter. Critical moments are touch points where the slightest effort can add value. I’ve been giving this much thought and have had several conversations. A friend shared a sermon by Rabbi Angela Buchdahl that drove the point home. She talks about the racism she experienced as the first Asian American female rabbi in the US. Woven in with her well-thought-out points are some ideas I’ve gathered from other professionals on how to treat others, and it’s not just because it’s nice.

Here are a few thoughts. 

  • Choose kindness in every moment because each touch point has value. 
  • We need to recognize that the only thing that matters is time – we have one life to live and how we live it, personally and professionally, are the most critical choices we make. 
  • Visually, as a reminder, I had Maitri in the roots of a lotus tattooed on the back of my neck; it reminds me to practice kindness to myself and others.

I’m suggesting that we need to pause, be more intentional, and notice the small things. Acts of random kindness are not ordinary moments; it’s better to catch them being good than to focus on the negative. 

(Hang onto these thoughts for later, and let’s start with some other ideas and the tools to help you execute them!)

How do we want to be treated?

I had lunch with a leader I coached out of a toxic environment and is now in a much healthier one. It is lovely to see my client’s face relax and tension receding from around their shoulders; now, their actual abilities are seen and recognized. As a senior-level capture leader, this talented professional meets many people, potential partners, and external clients, and they are responsible for hiring staff internally. She experiences critical moments where the slightest effort can add value each day. We shared our beliefs about the rules for how to treat people in all situations. We agreed that taking a moment to do the little things often impacts the people we encounter. 

For example, consciously being compassionate and respecting a candidate through the interview process or sending a client in a direction that meets their needs better are little things that can have a significant ROI. I coach candidates to send a genuine Thank You note because the gesture adds value to the interview and insights into the person. I also like the idea of answering a rejection with a Thank You! It lets a company know that you are mature and plan to leave the door open for a conversation down the road.

Touch Point: Simple common courtesy can go a long way toward building long-lasting and sincere relationships.

These positive behaviors are “a deposit into a social capital account.” When we do kind things for others, it fills up our capital account, so when it’s low, we can reach out to others for support. For this reason, unlike my midwestern husband, I have no problem asking for help. I offer my service without prompting and follow the golden rule: nurture your networks to build strong, trusting relationships. You have to start somewhere.

Reflect: How can we regain value in our communities, lives, and careers?

Practice Random Kindness

There was a bumper sticker I used to have on an old car of mine, “Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.” Letting a vehicle go first in traffic, giving a neighbor a ride to the grocery, and upcycling old sweaters to share with strangers as wearable art, are small things in my life that can put a smile on someone’s face. Small acts make a big difference; sometimes, it is hard to know who benefits more, the giver or the recipient. Taking time at work to explain a task or collaborate is an example of random kindness.  

Fun Fact! The phrase “practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty” was written by Anne Herbert on a placemat in Sausalito, California, in 1982. It played on the phrase: “random acts of violence and senseless acts of  cruelty.”

“No Ordinary Moments”

I read the “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman years ago, and he suggested we consider the idea that there are no ordinary moments in our lives. I often gathered these moments in the years I spent raising my children: a moment in the kitchen with them doing homework at the counter, music playing, and me cooking dinner. While not super unique, these moments become the memories we carry forward in our lives. They are joyful touch points that I can share with others. 

In the workplace, that looks like a well-run morning meeting ending early and recognition that the team accomplished a lot in less time. Or it could be when a business development/capture opportunity comes together into a well-written proposal, and you recognize the team effort matters more than the win, although both would be nice!

Catch Them Being Good

Capturing and recording critical moments is essential, while being present and responsive is also crucial. In the workplace, a critical word at the wrong moment can cause an explosion or destroy a rising leader’s desire to participate. Every working parent can share a story of when they hurt their kid with harsh words after they walked into the house exhausted. A smiling kid proudly presents a messy sandwich, and instead of thanking that kid with a big bite and compliments, the parent shouts, “OMG look at this mess!”

The book Catch them being good is co-authored by USA Women’s Soccer Coach Tony Dicicco, Colleen Hacker, and Charles Salzberg. He wrote that to be a better coach is to catch your team “being good.” This mantra is as relevant in the workplace or home kitchen as it is on the field! Praising someone’s work in a morning stand-up encourages others to seek positive feedback, as does guiding a staff member toward healthy outcomes. 

Positive reinforcement wins over reprimanding every time!

Critical Incident Journal – a tool for reflection and learning

There’s a great tool that I learned in college called a Critical Incident Journal. We used this technique in our internships to capture moments that are not ordinary. We learned more from each of them by reflecting on what made a moment unique. The practice of journaling helps us become better at recognizing critical incidents and their impact and reveals hints to how we can make positive changes in our daily lives and careers.

I have incorporated this collegiate tool into my career and personal life too! They are handy for capturing the moments in our lives when our perception changes. The insights shared over the years have been surprising and insightful. 

Start journaling! Learn more about critical incident journals!

Here’s a recent experience that made me pause and reflect on its critical value:

I mispronounced the name of a young woman I was interviewing, and she gently corrected my pronunciation. She shared that when at school, she pronounced it the “American way,” thinking it was easier for people to understand. But for our interview, she wanted to embrace her bi-cultural identity, so she helped me with the correct pronunciation.

I wasn’t embarrassed and appreciated her transparency and how she communicated with me. It opened the door for other topics and an informed conversation. That touch point had critical value; she felt comfortable sharing experiences and asking questions on other sensitive career topics.

Her gentle feedback also gave me pause to think about ways to be more sensitive to the small things that make a big difference in other situations.

Takeaways

If we all pause before speaking or acting, it might change our response. The basics of consideration that children learn in school are the same rules of etiquette for adults. For example: wait your turn, remember to share, say please and thank you politely, and don’t hit people when you don’t get your way. We learn to communicate and control our responses. Through play and interaction with others, we learn impulse management.

Two colleagues joined me at a leadership breakfast last week and said they feel compelled to make work fun. They enjoy the time more, their teams enjoy being together more, and they stay engaged for more extended periods. A leader has the responsibility to set the tone. Emphasizing joy in work helps engage team members and makes teamwork more effective, delivering better results. 

The results of the world’s largest study on kindness are in. Here’s what we learned

** University of Sussex’s study on the impact of kindness

Call to action 

Take time to notice touchpoints, critical value, and not-so-ordinary moments in your life. It’s easy to look for flaws when you can catch them being good. Small affirmations have a significant impact on those around you! And a little effort can result in strong bonds and more joy for everyone. I think that’s valuable, don’t you?   

And if you fear doing something nice will be taken the wrong way, be sensitive and do it anyway. You can tell if you have made the right choice by a person’s expression.

Avoid blind spots with either/or choices
Careers, Mentoring

BLIND SPOTTING

How to avoid blind spots with either/or choices 

When I want to accomplish something, I get to work researching and consulting my gut instinct before I make a choice. Most of the time things work out, sometimes they really don’t. When bright ideas fail, it’s because I overlooked a blind spot in the planning.

Read on for thoughts on avoiding the blind spots in your career path by using either/or choices. 

“Either-Or” Logic

As kids, my siblings and I knew that if we wanted to go to a movie or get Thai food for dinner, we had an “either-or” choice. Either we could ask our father, whose knee-jerk reaction was typical “No”, or we could appeal to our mother who usually responded more positively. 

My father wasn’t always inflexible and stern, but he often wasn’t willing to listen either. My mom on the other hand usually had an ear for her kids, was used to fielding requests, and adapting to change.

Managing Expectations

In high school, I managed my social calendar using either-or logic too. Knowing that if my friends failed to make plans for a weekend outing, I would end up babysitting. So, either I took initiative to suggest using my car and fake IDs to sneak into bars in Georgetown, or I resolved to another Friday night sitting on the couch watching kids, and earning money.

As a teenager, I learned to deal w

ith my less-than-motivated friends by managing expectations. Still, it took a lot of eye-rolling for me to arrive at the question of why they couldn’t just make plans on their own.  

Status Quo or A New Menu

The case of either-or turns to Friday evenings with my husband.

We like to cook: a spicy chili, finger-linking-good fried buttermilk chicken, or grill some mean steaks at home. It can be exhausting catering to all of our kids’ likes and dislikes, so we have regular places to order take-out from. Moby Dick’s Kebabs, Pasa Thai’s Pad Thai, and Pad Won Sen…I like to try new things and if I waited for my husband to think of a place, we would end up at the same few places that have a good beer tap list. Sometimes playing Star Wars trivia or the Dogfish 90 minutes shakes up the evening too. 

Locating my husband in his office, I suggest that either we suffer through a repeat performance of overcooked noodles … or we throw standards out the window for a dinner of beer and Star Wars Trivia. Of course, he couldn’t resist an IPA-sponsored game night.

As much fun as it is to come up with plans and alternatives, I’m often the one taking initiative. Why isn’t anyone else motivated to find solutions that work for all?

It Won’t Work … Nothing Will Change

Most people don’t like to voice suggestions or take leadership because it involves risk. If the plan doesn’t work, if the solution fails, risking embarrassment (or worse) stops most people from ideation. 

It’s safer to wait until someone else speaks up, takes the lead, or hedges the bet. But the cost of playing safe is the chance of having a life-changing experience or even just better food. 

Yes, it takes effort to live the life you want! And yes, it’s risky. Bad things might happen.  Good things might happen too. Either you keep blinders on and accept what is in front of your face, or risk taking a different career path, dating a new type of person, or ordering from a restaurant that isn’t appealing (even though your spouse loves the food!)

The Blind Spot in Your Career 

How does this all relate to careers and jobs? 

The evolution of a great career is governed by your threshold for risk and the manner in that you engage (or don’t) in relationships and networks. Networking proactively and putting effort into relationships with people usually have a positive outcome. 

You can either learn new skills to stay competitive or you can move to a new industry entirely. Upskilling has less risk, but maybe adapting to a new sector will lead to a more exciting benefit.

People sometimes get stuck when faced with a choice like the one above. The possibility of failure in a new industry is too much, but the thought of staying in the same or similar job is not encouraging. They manage expectations by not deciding until they are forced to by a blind spot.

You Don’t Know, What You Don’t Know

No one is all-knowing or (except a mom) has eyes in the back of their head. So how can you learn to avoid blind spots in different areas of life? 

Is it most important to be proactive and to think strategically? Or is having the flexibility to roll with punches more aligned to your risk profile? What if you could be coached into changing your perception of situations and the choices they present? 

Avoid blind spots with either/or choices

Coachable people are open to new information – and to making changes as situations shift around them. Being coachable also requires trust; to be receptive and willing when blind spots are pointed out. 

The only guarantee in life is that it will change, and choices will follow, whether you can see them or not. I believe that making the effort to learn what they are and take a position is at least a better strategy than doing nothing. Transitions are intrinsic to every area of life. Our career journeys are shaped by how we choose to experience life as it shapeshifts around us. 

A successful career, and a great life, are often decided by “either-or” moments. Each time you encounter one, take a breath and call a coach, or someone else you trust to check your blind spots. 

Image includes image of political donkey and elephant combined into one animal with the text "small businesses - the backbone of America"
Communication

Collaboration Is No Joking Matter

With more than 50 million Americans out of work, something needs to be done. The other day I was watching a segment on MSNBC where Senators Michael Bennet (CO-D) and Todd Young (IN-R) shared their plan, the “Restart Act,” to help small business owners like myself. During difficult times like these, collaboration is a driving force that can bring about change.

Here’s how I think collaboration can help:

Politicians from both sides of the aisle

A Democrat and a Republican met in the Senate and forgot that they were from different political parties. They realized that the American people were struggling, and they also realized that those same Americans operate small businesses. While the first bipartisan PPP bill was passed quickly, unfortunately, there wasn’t enough oversight (see Trump refusing oversight of funds disclosure). Working together when opposing political ideologies are at play can be tough. Senators Bennet and Young are prime examples of how our politicians can work together to help small businesses.

Consumers and small business

Consumers are becoming more aware that they can select where they spend their money, and they are choosing minority-owned small businesses. Specifically, there has been a collective effort to support Black-owned businesses with campaigns like Blackout Day and websites like My Black Receipt. By supporting diverse businesses, we are building more diverse, healthy communities.  Each of us has a choice on where we do business and how we spend money.  Have you supported a local business? If so, which one(s)?

Small business and big business

I think of businesses as part of an ecosystem. Just like the Democrats and Republicans make up our political ecosystem that can be healthy or unhealthy. Presently, our country is dysfunctional, and until the two parties can collaborate it will continue this way. When a large business anchors a community or attracts more commerce, there is actually room for the small businesses around them to flourish.  Large businesses and small businesses are necessary parts of a healthy ecosystem. This is how communities become stronger. Young and Bennet know that we need to turn the tide and we can only do this by having the two political parties work together. Small and large businesses, women, Black, and Latino-owned small businesses, all of the businesses are important, you know like Lion King, the Circle of Life.  

For example, the courageous women I worked with at Empowered Women International were focused on launching micro-businesses. The entrepreneurial training we shared was aimed at giving each woman economic stability, growing self-confidence, and building strong communities for them and their families. Many of these women came from other countries or under-resourced communities and wanted something more for their families. If they gain economic strength, they become strong consumers and are all part of a healthier ecosystem we call home. If we don’t support the “Restart Act” or something similar all of these mom and pop shops will disappear…

Large businesses and social responsibility (CSR)

I listened to the two senators talk about their bill and what they had learned from other stimulus packages. I’ve also read about the ripple effect of giving stimulus to a small business that pays their people to come back to work (off unemployment), can pay their rent and vendors, thus putting the money right back into the economy. We need large businesses to think about the greater good, not just their shareholders.

ShakeShack announced they were returning the money they got from PPP, and then other socially responsible big businesses followed suit. This was another moment like senators Bennet and Young collaborating across the aisle. There are socially responsible businesses that realize that large businesses with reserves can weather this storm and the importance of supporting the small businesses (the intended program recipients) that desperately need the funds to survive. Again, it’s an ecosystem and we know that if the chain is broken all of us will suffer.

There was a point when business continued to be slow that I thought about applying for the small business relief programs, but they were no longer taking applications because the money was all gone. In a way it allowed me to retain my integrity and not take funds from another small business that was truly in need.

By putting new rules/regs in place, there’s a greater chance the money will actually get to the people who need it. If we want Americans to have a place to go back to work, we need those who have enough to share the pie.  Don’t apply for the loans/grants if you have a reserve of cashDon’t take the money from someone who needs it. There’s enough to go around if you act with compassion and respect your community.  Do the right thing, and reach across the aisle or the driveway to communicate with your neighbors even if they have different opinions or a different political party than you. And let’s all stop acting from a point of scarcity!

Have you seen any other examples of collaboration during a pandemic? Let me know by leaving a comment below.

Uncategorized

AmateurToPro Podcast with host, Ryan Dempsey Argentieri

Ryan called to tell me she was launching her new podcast AmateurToPro and wanted to know if I was game to be interviewed.  She said she wanted to share my story about becoming an entrepreneur, my non profit board work, juggling work and life, and still finding time to be creative and write a novel.  Ryan invited me to meet her at this cool recording studio, Podcast Village, and we sat down for our conversation. 

Ryan’s goals with her new show are to create an engaging environment and share knowledge. “The Amateur to Pro podcast features in-depth talks with leaders, change-makers, risk-takers and innovators about how they overcame fears and worked through obstacles to bring big ideas to life. Episodes include practical implementation advice, leadership lessons learned and best practices of the world’s sharpest minds and high performers”. 

Check out her other 11 interviews, there are some really interesting people, starting with Santana Moss and several other fascinating executives.

Here’s my interview:

http://amateurtopro.libsyn.com/melissa-reitkopp-the-road-to-performance-and-knowing-when-to-say-when